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| | | | I had an argument with my roomie |
It was over whether I am nuts or not.
I kept cycling between yes and no.
Yes, I am nuts because if I was normal, then I'd have a GF, a fulltime job because she'd emotionally support me and reward me for bringing home the bacon, and other status symbols to show that by being productive I am normal.
NO, I am not nuts because if I was nuts, then I would not be able to write about whether I am or not; I'd just vegetate and become a pumpkin.
So my roomie said, "You're a hypocrite; you don't know if you want to be nuts or not. You say you are one minute and the next, you say you aren't."
So I replied, "See? You just proved I am nuts!!!"
If I can't decide if I am neither normal or abnormal, then because of indecision I must be one or the other; but what if I am BOTH?
What if my behavior is such that I am half nuts and half normal, half crazy and half AOK, both insane in some ways and effing sane in others.
How can I determine this? By how well I articulate my dilemma.
I figure that if I am to prove my case, then it has to be how well I can communicate it.
If I choose an either-or scenario, then I can only be one or the other.
This is not acceptable!
Why? Because it makes me into a product called "the mental health consumer."
On the other hand, if I chose the -and- scenario, then I can be nuts and normal, insane and sane, sad and happy.
Impossible! You say?
You have no idea what is possible when *I* put my mind to it!!!
So, you decide: am I nuts? Normal? or in-between.
BTW some shrink diagnosed me as borderline personality disorder in 1991.
In the old fashioned, Freudian concept, I am on the borderline between sanity and insanity, between a simply neurotic mindset and a crazy kind of psychotic mindlessness.
But just as I have both a right and left brain, a dual-cam-overhead mental engine, I also have a whole brain that is one.
While it is stupid to pick the left as nutty and the right as normal, I will use the psychiatric model of a sick brain.
Some parts of my brain are sick; other parts are working; and maybe still other parts, are asleep at the wheel, again.
Ideally then this means that an MRI scan is in my best interest IF i go fruit loops and get an emergency 72 hour assessment at the funny farm.
Why? Because only the actually psychotic people are allow to get MRIs along with the rich people.
Us poor and unmedicated old kooks have to wait and wait to even get a simple phone interview done.
Why? Because we all voted sociopaths into power to squander our tax dollars on corporate welfare.
Meanwhile, the myth of the welfare bum is perpetuated to oppress ME and the other 3 million or so people on welfare.
Yep, I don't think there are more than 3 million on welfare with mental health issues, and in fact it might be actually 12 million. Only 10% of them are on the radar screen. I am one of the other 30% of the pie, the 9 million people who aren't really sick, yet.
I think this is why i am labeled Borderline.
9 million people in Canada are this close to going ballastic, but don't because they're either sleeping or like me, wide awake.
Anyway, don't feel alarmed. I am not suicidal; that's for sissies. Right now, I am more manly than those guys who hide their sick minds from us all.
Love you all. Please respond ASAP. Ok? :o
Tuesday Feb-6-07 4:23 AM |
 | | 411: | | Surrey, British Columbia | | Stats: | | age 50 single male | | Seeking: | | women for date&friend | | Last On: | | Jan-6-09 2:53 PM | | Mood: | | Insane |
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